NOW YOU SEE IT AND NOW YOU... SEE IT AGAIN

So, I don't know why but almost everywhere I go people somehow find out that I am blogging about dating abuse. It's kind of weird, but whatever. Anyway, when this happens almost hands down someone in the company will start talking about how they know or knew someone close to them that was/is in an abusive relationship. Then everyone will start briefly discussing the topic, recounting their own personal experiences and sharing their knowledge, understanding, and more often than not semi-skewed ideas about a quasi-definite definitions of abuse (and don't get me wrong they have experiences and therefore have every right to creative opinions, they are just missing a lot of parts) will come out. In the end two questions are asked of me ( like I'm an expert or something)...

1. What constitutes an abusive relationship?

2. How do I help someone in an abusive relationship get out or realize they are abusive?

For this post I will be addressing the later using research and information posted on a government website called fcd.ecitizen.gov.sg

When you see a friend in an abusive relationship, there are certain guidelines you should follow, either if your friend approaches you for advice, or if you decide to speak to your friend about it:

• Talk to your friend and be non-judgmental when discussing the abuse



• Listen to your friend and believe him/her


• Let your friend know that violence [or abuse] under any circumstance is unacceptable


• Express your understanding, care, concern and support


• Point out your friend's strengths. He/she may not see his/her own abilities because they are blinded by the effects of the abuse.


• Encourage your friend to speak to a social worker or counselor and offer to go with him/her for support


• Call the police if the abuse is serious.

Some areas to avoid when you are sharing confidences in terms of abuse:

• Don't ask blaming questions such as "What did you do to provoke him/her?"


• Don't pressure your friend into making quick decisions

Please use this information to help those around you. I promise you know someone, if not yourself, in an abusive relationship right now, and you will definitely know someone in the future. Take note. Then do something about it. That is if you care.